Journals6
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
O_O I need a new phone so I can be a Pokemon Go addict..... till then.... gonna keep stealing my husband's phone and eating all his data *om nom nom nom nom nom*
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NEW JOURNAL
1 min read
Because the pitty-fest journal has been up long enough.... So what to write..... YAY HIKING!
That is all.
That is all.
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Oh Woe is Me
1 min read
Oh yes, the ever popular pitty-fest, but don't worry phantom audience, it'll be short.
Saying goodbye to the old year doesn't guarantee a better new year, but it can't stop you from hoping. So this year I've been through hell: medical issues both with me and worse yet my husband, poverty, loosing friends, putting college on hold, loosing all sense of direction or security in life. I hate to think "well next year can't be any worse" cause I don't have any wood to knock on and it certainly can be worse... but for the love of god, things need to turn around.
Saying goodbye to the old year doesn't guarantee a better new year, but it can't stop you from hoping. So this year I've been through hell: medical issues both with me and worse yet my husband, poverty, loosing friends, putting college on hold, loosing all sense of direction or security in life. I hate to think "well next year can't be any worse" cause I don't have any wood to knock on and it certainly can be worse... but for the love of god, things need to turn around.
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ZOMYGOD WHYYYYY?!?!?!?
2 min read
Well I'm frustrated! So i'm going to share my frustration!
Over the past few months I have been diligently preparing for my new journey of college, wooooooooooo
There have been some bumps along the way already; some that felt more like mountains, but I either way I have been climbing over them one by one. Except this new one! This new lovely little wall that is planted smack dab in the middle of my road to success!
Have any of you had an issue with finding your immunization records? Well I'm having more than an issue, they are none existent! I have checked with my High School and I was one year too late, they no longer have my records. I checked with the trade school I went to for a year, they only hold the records for one year so with that one, I was 4 years too late. I went to the state department of health, neither the state I was born in, nor the one I live in now have any record. I went to my childhood pediatrician (as far as my parents can remember). NOTHING!
So now that I no longer exist in medical records, I can't complete my registration until I prove that I'm not going to lick someone else to death! Now i'm just sitting on my blocked road, glaring at my wall, and wondering "What the f*** do I do now".
It's looking more and more like I need to be vaccinated.... again.... cause who doesn't like spending money to be injected with crap that an insurance company probably wont cover because it's not a medical necessity
Arg... well I hope my phantom audience is having a more relaxing time than myself!
Over the past few months I have been diligently preparing for my new journey of college, wooooooooooo
There have been some bumps along the way already; some that felt more like mountains, but I either way I have been climbing over them one by one. Except this new one! This new lovely little wall that is planted smack dab in the middle of my road to success!
Have any of you had an issue with finding your immunization records? Well I'm having more than an issue, they are none existent! I have checked with my High School and I was one year too late, they no longer have my records. I checked with the trade school I went to for a year, they only hold the records for one year so with that one, I was 4 years too late. I went to the state department of health, neither the state I was born in, nor the one I live in now have any record. I went to my childhood pediatrician (as far as my parents can remember). NOTHING!
So now that I no longer exist in medical records, I can't complete my registration until I prove that I'm not going to lick someone else to death! Now i'm just sitting on my blocked road, glaring at my wall, and wondering "What the f*** do I do now".
It's looking more and more like I need to be vaccinated.... again.... cause who doesn't like spending money to be injected with crap that an insurance company probably wont cover because it's not a medical necessity
Arg... well I hope my phantom audience is having a more relaxing time than myself!
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Be Upbeat!
7 min read
Well my first Journal entry was a bit of a downer so I wanted to have something happier on my profile page! So upbeat and happy! 
Staying art related, last month I decided to go to college for Art Education! (Well Last year actually but I was rejected and then spent the rest of the year wallowing in self-pitty and denial! 
)
) Also staying with what my last journal was about, NO this is not because I think "Those who can, do, those who can't, teach". That is a completely BS idea and phrase (thought I'm not outraged by it as most teachers are)
Anywho, I was recently asked by a friend if I felt that way about teaching, that I chose it because I feel like I can't be an artist. My answer to her was "no"
I honestly feel I have the potential to be anything I put my mind to, just as everyone else has the same doors open to them if they put forth the effort. The reasons I look to one door and not the other is because I understand myself (I think about me ALOT). From my past experiences, likes, dislikes, and everything that has shaped me into the person I am today, I know as I am now I have the talent to develop into an artist but I don't have the conviction and passion for it (yet)
I don't have the willpower to put in the time I need to be great. I don't have the confidence to stand against the tides. I don't have the personal strength the not only take criticism with a grain of salt but to also silence my own fears and doubts in myself.
I also understand that I am not a "work your way up from the bottom" person. I get the most mental satisfaction in the idea of earning an education to back my talents. This isn't always the best way to reach your goals as an artist but in the instances when a degree helps further your aspirations, I don't even have a leg to stand on to even get close to the colleges I would have to attend.
Little back story; I am 25 years old, I will be 26 when I attend my first year of college this fall. I came out of 5 and a half years of high school with a GPA of 1.6 and ranked number 316 out of 324. The first time I applied to my college (that has a 94% acceptance rate) I was rejected 
. So with this in mind, running straight to an art institute was not only laughable but completely unfounded, and still is.
. So with this in mind, running straight to an art institute was not only laughable but completely unfounded, and still is. When I think art as a profession I have so many reservations about it I could... piss off my one reader with a racist joke that I'm not gonna say 
... anyways! Being an artist at this point in my life is not the best path for me, I am not built to be an artist yet. It would be like asking someone who just enjoys watching movies if they think they want to direct one.
... anyways! Being an artist at this point in my life is not the best path for me, I am not built to be an artist yet. It would be like asking someone who just enjoys watching movies if they think they want to direct one. But teaching, I have no doubt I will be great. I have no doubt I will love it. I have no doubt I will be challenged and tested and rise to the occasion. But most of all, I have absolutely no doubt that I wont use my past experiences with failure, fear, depression, and embarrassment to do everything in my power for my students so that maybe they wont go through that too.
Art is a major factor in my life, I love it, I hate it, I need it in my life and I will never forgive myself if I don't try something that I feel may help me further my talents. I have always felt I could be more if only I had someone to teach me better techniques and challenge my comfort levels (which may be just an excuse to be lazy and not to try to find information on my own but wont know till I try). But most importantly, my last experience with education was a 5 year long train wreck, the possibility of failure is overwhelming. I enjoy art so much that I know it will help motivate me through the tough times of college. Though I don't feel I have the same level of intense passion for art as successful artists, it is no less a very powerful driving force in my life. One that I have been going against my nature and turning my back on because art isn't considered realistic and stable career choice.
So to get back to the question, do I think I chose teaching because I can't be an artist. NO. Teaching is not settling. teaching is picking the better path for myself that will make me happier than trying to be a professional artist. And picking one path doesn't close the door on another. In fact, due to my past failures, success in college while working towards an Art Education Degree could open a door already shut to me. I could build a better foundation to apply to an art institute. I could also build my skills with the art classes I will be taking and find more courage to build up a portfolio and put myself out there. I could go for my masters or even PHD and become an Art Professor. But nothing will be within reach without moving forward.
Now getting a teaching position in art straight out the gate is near impossible unless you kill the person in that position and are related to a crooked principal and half the faculty of the school you are applying to.... so I'm also going to be taking steps to be more marketable to other subject areas, but I wont get into that, this entry is long enough.
So there is my upbeat news! 
For the first time in my life I am standing tall without fear. I am happy with the direction I have chosen. I am optimistic I will not only pass but come out on top. I am do not shrink at the idea that I will struggle, I will fall, because I know I can pick myself back up and run the distance.
For the first time in my life I am standing tall without fear. I am happy with the direction I have chosen. I am optimistic I will not only pass but come out on top. I am do not shrink at the idea that I will struggle, I will fall, because I know I can pick myself back up and run the distance.Some may think, pah teaching, it's not like you are going to be a doctor or lawyer. Others might think why puff out my chest so early in the game, and to them I say; Why make a difficult task even harder to achieve because of pessimism. And, any endeavor you put your heart and soul into is a commendable one because absolutely no one but yourself is able to gauge what means to be a success.
To me the artist who struggles to pay rent but never gives up on being an artist is just as successful in life as the famous painter.
I think the person who has spent years making cashiering a career because they enjoy it is just as successful as the person who has spent years getting their PHD in the field they enjoy.
And the person who is most satisfied by taking risks to obtain happiness is just as successful as the person who finds happiness in financial security
I could prattle on more about the subjectiveness of success now that I'm on that topic, but I wont!
So good day to you my phantom audience! 
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